Tuesday Magic Item – Bottle of Grog

17 September, 2013

Pre-grogged bottlesI watched in increasingly horrified fascination as Tetmuric slowly emptied the bottle of its sluggish and vicious contents.  It was a lumpy liquid, the consistence and color of poorly made oatmeal and there seemed to be almost no end to it.  As it poured out, it began to take a shape, layering upon itself forming into a rough human form that was filled out by the last of the liquid.

The being formed from the bottle suddenly coughed and blinked, its eyes were a drab brown and its skin moving from glossy to dull as it awoke.  It voice was mumbling but understandable.  “Your orders?” it asked of Tetmuric.

“Prepare yourself for battle,” Tetmuric said, handing it the bottle’s cock, which it stretched out into a shield and then the bottle it came from which it refashioned -somehow- into a spear.

“Yes, done,” it replied.

“Let us go,” said Tetmuric, his cape flaring as he spun, his new servant following him, as I did, just a little further back.

Bottle of Grog

These heavy bottles are stopped with a large cork sealed with wax marked with esoteric runes.  The contents of which are obviously thick and lumpy, even through the thick glass.

It is used by uncorking the bottle and pouring our its contents (which takes 1d4+1 rounds) which forms into a grog (vat soldier) which can be equipped with a light wooden shield (fashioned from the cork) and a spear (formed from the bottle).  The grog is able to keep its form for 1d3+2 hours and then it starts to dissolve back into its components, losing one hit point per minute until it totally looses coherence.

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 500; Weight 3 lbs
Construction Requirements
Brew Potion, fabricate, monster summoning III; Cost 250

Notes: Inspired indirectly by a G+ discussion and by the fact that it is a terrible pun.  And, yes, I created the vat soldiers for this magic item having thought of it first . . .

Photo by tanakawho and used under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0) license.


One comment

  1. Ha, awesome! “No wait, wait! Let me just pour out this soldier…”

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