Towel Day Magic Item – The Book of Epically Bad Poetry

“Shall I read you . . . another poem?!” said the inquisitor, grinning a feral grin.

“No!  No more, please, I beg of you,” sobbed the prisoner, his will finally broken.

The Book of Epically Bad Poetry

These book are usually made of only the finest materials, such as rich leather decorated with gold leaf and pages of beautiful paper written upon with the best inks.  They are usually made or commissioned by the author of the work and they usually want their works to be showcased in the best book that they can afford.

The book can be used by anyone, but it requires a Will save (DC 11) to bear to read beyond a few lines.

Reading a short poem, requiring at least a minute, require all those who listened and could understand it to make a Will save (DC 8 + readers Charisma modifier) or take a -1 to all skill checks for the next 1d4+1 minutes as their mind tries to clear out the terrible imagery and if they fail the save by 10 or more, they are sickened for one round before the skill penalty takes effect.  Someone with 5 or more rank of Perform (oratory, poetry or similar) gains a +2 bonus to the DC and a Bard adds one third of their level (rounded down) to the DC.

In the hands of a bard, one of the longer poems can be read taking ten or more minutes, the Bard’s Perform check (oratory, poetry or similar) is used as the Will save DC to resist,  those who fail the save take a -1 penalty for 3d4 minutes as they try to scrub the horrendous lines from their mind, if they fail the save by 8 or more they are sickened for 1d4 rounds first, and if they fail the save by 15 or more, they are nauseated for 1d3 rounds before being sickened and the skill check penalty lasts 1d6 hours.   The Bard can choose to read a poem last ten minutes plus an additional ten minutes times the lower of the Bard’s Constitution or Wisdom modifier, for each additional ten minutes the poem takes to read, the save DC is increased by 1 and the length of time the skill penalty remains in effect is increased by 1d4 minutes.

At the Game Master’s discretion, being with a refined artistic sense (elves, fae, certain outsiders) may take a penalty to these saves.

Notes: I was reminded by the Geek Life Project that today is Towel Day (thank you Douglas Adams!), so I thought I should do something to celebrate.  Enjoy!